The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
