I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
