watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
