so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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