so explain again why im purple
no
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
