Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
