Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All the doctor said was why
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
