; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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