You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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