you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize