sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
