my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
