sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
