was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just pee around me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize