I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
