Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
