Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
