omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You left your phone here
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