Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
