If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
