3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize