My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
