im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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