I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
