I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just gift wrapped bread.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
