I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
