you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
