hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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