the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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