I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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