Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I will pee on everything he values.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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