capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
