I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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