I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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