in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
