Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
