Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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