OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
