he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
