she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
