JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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