Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
