In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
