I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
