You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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