Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
