I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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