your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
