I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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