cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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