hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
