I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
