Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
