nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
