If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
