I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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