It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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