Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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