You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I skipped work to stalk him.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
