I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
