Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
