We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
