Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
