I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
