She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
