You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
