I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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